Planning, buying & nerves.

Welp tomorrow is moving day, AGAIN.

Wanna see our place? Click here.

R and I have spent the past few days measuring and purchasing items for our apartment. We sold all of our couches and large furniture items in Florida to lighten the cross-country load.

We are in a studio, the main room is about 300 sq ft. We have a full kitchen (with smaller appliances & a bench/table build-in), a vanity area with a walk in closet (that is only 2' 3" and 5' long) and a bathroom with a really awesome clawfoot tub.

We had to embrace two things with this move: Purging and Functionality.  

Before we left Florida we got rid of all of our bulky items to lighten our cross country move, and set the money aside to buy new items in LA. We got rid of our couches, beds, large desk, and anything else that was useless, bulky or not valuable enough to justify hauling it 3000 miles across the country.

Then we committed to a minimalistic lifestyle, especially while we are living in L.A. It is expensive to live here, so it is important to make every square foot count.

Having lived in studios before (one of which was a whopping 350 total sq ft) I know that excess stuff can be the killer. In our case, we had a lot of excess clothing that we never, ever wore.. and I am beginning to think I had a bit of a linen hording problem.

I had 5 sets of white king sheets, 5 full sheet sets and 2 twin sets. THEN I had about 5 sets of towels/wash clothes, plus a bunch of random towels/wash clothes and no idea where they all came from.

So having said that, each square foot in a small space needs to count and hording towels and bed sheets is not a good use of space.

Last night I made a floor plan of our new space, measured all the furniture we are bringing with us, and tried to plan out how (I hope) everything will fit into the apartment.

Just ignore that I typoed MANTEL and SEATS, k?

Tomorrow we will find out if I did good, AND we will see how easy the Manstad from Ikea is to put together.. Bed, Couch and Storage-- Gotta love IKEA!

I'm pretty excited about our move-in, but I am also a little nervous. Anyone I DO know here works like a dog (along with Rob)and I am feeling a little nervous about putting myself out there!


That's all folks,

Namaste!

r

What kindness has taught me.

I wrote a post yesterday wherein I blathered on about tattoos, regrets, a little this and little that, but what got me writing was the sadness I was feeling because people can be so unkind to each other. Yesterdays sadness was directed towards not only those who made flippant accusations about the writer, but towards the "infamous" writer herself... The whole situation is just sad to me.

Yesterday, for the first time as a blogger someone was less than kind to me, telling me my "Harley sized tattoos" are not "classy," a claim I never made-- and one of the main reasons I "cover up" when getting dressed up, or doing something "important," they would have known that had they actually read what I wrote, instead of just passing judgement on me and trying to anonymously hurt my feelings.

For the record, it didn't hurt my feelings, in fact, I just feel sorry for that person. They must have a lot of pain in their heart to be spreading hateful, off kilter comments on another persons blog anonymously.. but now I have another person to send some kind thoughts to this morning, and for that I am thankful.

I love to spread the love.

I digress.

People can just be down right mean to one another, and you know what, I understand.

I have done some down right rotten things.

I've backed out of two weddings where I was suppose to be Maid of Honor, I was HORRIBLE to my sister when she got pregnant.. and horrible is an understatement, and I have said some horrendous things out of anger to and about my mother, just to name a few. I am not proud of these things, but at the end of the day we can only learn from our experiences, forgive ourselves (and others) and move on.

This past year I have learned that coming from a place of kindness and compassion is a rather lucrative avenue to take, and I have tried to consciously make that a part of my daily life. Some days are better than others, but I'd say lately, most days have been successful, which means I am becoming more conscious, which is a wonderful thing.

I am not going to lie, finding that peaceful place within myself has been and continues to be a difficult task, it is also a rewarding one. In my 25 years, I have harvested so much anger and sadness-- It is quite the task mopping up pools of resentment, jealousy & anger-- they all have deep trenches that seem impossible to access most days-- but, light is most useful when you have a dark place to put it in, so I am up for the challenge.

The point I was trying to make yesterday, was that it shouldn't matter if someone is covered in tattoos, or body piercings, or if they have a turbulent past, or if they post ignorant opinion pieces on a college web-zine or even if they say or think something unthinkably horrible.. we should always be wishing kind things for others, and I have found that when it is the most difficult to give someone the gift of kindness & compassion, is when it is the most rewarding for all parties..

One of my favorite quotes:

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

I define anger in its broadest form: jealously, resentment, sadness, judgement, etc... in the end we are just hurting ourselves by not practicing kindness. Kindness has to start on the inside.

You can not be kind to others if you are not kind to yourself.

 "Love others as you love yourself" right?

I'm starting to believe kindness and forgiveness to oneself is the ultimate act of kindness. The way you treat yourself is a reflection of how you treat others,I truly believe that.
 
When someone is unkind, I automatically recognize that they are hurting. Having this realization on a personal level has made it so much easier for me to be compassionate through adversity. Becoming aware of all the hurt people are feeling, makes me want to be even kinder, to myself and others.

{I've been practicing something called Metta Bhavana (Loving Kindness) meditation if you are interested}

I have realized that a lack of kindness comes from a place of hurt within oneself, because I have done it myself. Even though, my participation in unkind acts is happening less often, when I am unkind  to another person, or myself.. (after all, I am only human) it is because I am not dealing with or recognizing whatever the internal issue is.



I use to think I was so aware, on many counts I was just more aware than those I associated with, but I am starting to realize, I was just too afraid to continue doing the work because I knew I still had a long way to go, I am certainly not alone in this, because I think we all can be a little more patient, a little more kind and a little more encouraging to one another.

I am challenging myself, and therefore others, to consciously remember that we are all in this together, none of us make it out alive(on this planet at least), and we each single handily hold the power to not only practice kindness on ourselves and others, we have the capacity to inspire kind thoughts within others.

Namaste,
r

Don't sell yourself short..

February already?
Geesh... time really does fly.

This is a long one, so get ready.

I still have the magic of a new year inspiring me, which is a first. Usually by February I am back to my old ways of stuffing my face with pasta and red wine.

Ever since I started doing yoga on a daily basis, two things have become increasingly important to me, which in turn has revealed a side of myself that I honestly wasn't sure existed in the first place.

Apparently the part of me that I adore has been sleeping.

Those two things are intention and acceptance.

In the beginning of the year I wrote down (well typed out) my new years aspirations, and in an effort to keep those things alive, I've made them an important part of setting my daily intentions. Some days have more intention than others, but the point is.. I am giving intention the time it deserves, and I am noticing things about myself that I really never thought were possible.

Whatever it is that is coming to life within me, comes with this warm light that allows me to accept and love myself exactly as I am in that moment, and it is really a beautiful thing. Accepting your flawed self doesn't mean you accept the flaw, it means you accept what got you there and recognize how to move through it.

This is something that has been incredibly difficult for me in the past. I consider myself a fairly self actualized person, I am hyper aware of my faults, strengths, weaknesses.. but up until recently I never really accepted myself for who I am and where I have been.

I have allowed my past to haunt me in ways that I wasn't even fully aware of.

I was one of those kids that grew up too fast. Looking back at my childhood has always been painful, even as an adult. I would feel sad because I felt like I was robbed of my innocence. I would be angry because I had too much responsibility and worry. I would be jealous that everyone else* got to enjoy their youth, and I lived mine battling with depression, helping to raise my siblings, making adult decisions before I could even spell, let alone articulate what the hell was going on, and always wishing I was someplace else.

(*I realize I am not the only one who grew up in these circumstances of course)


Learning and practicing acceptance has been life changing. Even if I am just accepting that I am not flexible or strong enough for some of the more advanced poses in my yoga practice, I accept that's where my body is at in that moment, and push through the pain.

On a philosophical level this physical act has completely changed me, and  have to say that change has been one of the most surprising and inspiring gifts I have ever been given. I don't want to say that I was in DENIAL about where I was suffering mentally prior to practicing daily-- because I knew I was suffering, and I knew that pain was related not only to a rough past, but also to an uncertain future.. But I really have been living the life of a lost soul, and this has all become quite apparent through my journey.

When I decided to start this journey in November, I never saw myself getting to the place I am right now. I find myself completely humbled by this process and I am just so grateful this path found me and that I was able to recognize its purpose for me.

I've always sold myself short. I could go on and on about all the ways I have sabotaged myself in the past, but I won't because it doesn't even matter anymore. I just wanted to say, that if you are reading this and you have been a self sabotager in the past, I welcome you to give yourself the gift of acceptance.. move on, move forward, and love not only yourself, but also the process.

Start each day with intention and end each day feeling accomplished. Make decisions that will get you closer to your goals, even if by one inch. It all adds up and it awakens something in you that is nothing short of a miracle.

In the past I never really believed I was good enough to be what I wanted to be. I could hardly love myself because I honestly couldn't stand the sight of the pathetic person in the mirror. I allowed myself to not only gain 50 lbs, I kept 40 of them as a way to punish myself for not being good enough.  I wouldn't nurture my creative inclinations, I wouldn't reach out to friends, I wouldn't allow myself to be happy, because I didn't WANT to know anything different.

I just couldn't leave the comfort zone that was my own misery.

I have learned that if you set goals, or aspirations, and don't allow yourself to be inspired by the best version of yourself (for me the ideal version of myself is in shape, calm, kind, open, adventurous, healthy and HAPPY) ...then you are just punishing yourself for something you have not accepted yet.

DO the work. Accept and love yourself, your body, and your mind.

I really can't wait until I have found the words to describe all of the beautiful things I am experiencing right now. I feel like there are all these things I really want to express, but I just don't know how to say them yet.

I had my first thoughts of suicide at age nine, I remember this very vividly because my best friend at the time told her mother, and her mother sat me down on the driveway for a talk and she explained to me that it wasn't normal. I remember being grateful that she said I was different, and should embrace it, and that I would understand when I was older.

A few years ago I thought I finally understood what she meant... But through this journey I have realized that I was missing one important thing, acceptance.

As I have mentioned before, getting in the best shape of my life is something that is really important to me this year. This has been something I've talked about at the beginning of the year, every year, for the past 7 years.. I've stayed so focused on becoming the best version of myself this year that when I stepped on the scale this morning I almost died of happiness. In two weeks I've lost seven pounds and that's with a week of spotty work outs. (I'll get into that tomorrow when we weigh in). Weight aside, I am turning into a different person and I am just so happy to get to know the person I always thought I was suppose to be.

The funny thing is, she was there all along.

I know the reason I am succeeding this year is because every day is starting with intention, and every act is preformed with acceptance and a love for myself that I never thought was possible.

So I will sign off with some words of wisdom, which conveniently appeared in my email this morning..

"He is able who thinks he is able."

  ~The Buddha

Namaste!

r 

I'm a machine!

Just wanted to throw down a quick update.

It's day seven of my P90x adventure, and I have to say I am so pumped up.

First of all I feel awesome, secondly I am so proud of myself for not only doing the videos but for waking up early and sneaking in some morning runs, and a couple hours of yoga practice. On Saturday and Wednesday I had to make alternate work out plans (Saturday we hiked 6 miles and Wednesday I woke up for an early run (thank god) and ended up having to pop midols and lay in the fetal position all day.

Which brings me to today, which is suppose to be a rest day.. but I did most of yesterdays video this morning, and decided to spend the last 30 mins of my workout enjoying the beautiful breeze that is bringing in some awesome storm clouds.

I would say this first week of P90x I was able to give about an 80% effort; I was tweaking my diet, schedule, mentality.. Some of the videos I couldn't give 100% because I only have 5lbs weights and no pull up bar, so I had to modify the moves. Next week I will take my video to the gym with me for two of the videos so I am able to use higher weights and pullup bars (P90x on the ipad, yo).

I learned this week that working out is all about lifestyle changes. You just have to show up and when you get there, if you can only work at 20% your maximum pace, then so be it..If you only have 20 minutes, raise the intensity. 20% is better than 0%. On Saturday R and I walked 6 miles in sand.. vigorously. Have you ever walked on sand? It's hard and we were hauling ass. Plus it's warm here right now.. 80s by noon. While we were walking I kept telling myself "you will go home and do that video".. and I did. I could only do 20 minutes of it before my legs turned to jelly, but even after a 6 mile hike I stayed committed to my program.

All week I just told myself "you have to show up" and I am so glad I did because finally after weighing myself today I am down two pounds from my start weight, which means I've really lost 3 pounds if you consider most of the week I was up a pound (and on target with my calories). Even though I knew that pound gained was muscle, I really wanted to see the number get smaller.

You see I have been carrying around all this extra weight for SO long. I always lose about 10 lbs, and then I gain it all back at the first sign of success.

I have been my own worst enemy for SO long, and actually committing to this is really going to change me.. Along with feeling and looking better physically, mentally, I have so much more clarity. Yoga was helping me develop discipline and focus, while exercise is working the devil out. (I am using the Devil figuratively here, I am not actually possessed).

But really.. I carry around so much anxiety and tension, it makes me mean to myself and occasionally others.. It makes me not think I am good enough to obtain my goals. It makes me feel like I am nothing.

Working out is reminding me that I am a freaking machine, and I can kick some serious (life) ass. 

So that being said, I am about to go do something really fun and exciting.. and I can't wait to post what it is!

Have an awesome day,

Ryan

Strange men, clean closets and a challenge.

Where do the weeks go? It is really crazy to me how time can feel like it is dragging on in the moment, and retrospectively it all seems like a flash.

I've had a really strange week.

My neighbors have been buzzing about a strange knock that most of us received around 8pm Tuesday night, a guy wearing a jacket (it's pretty warm here right now, so a jacket is a fair red flag) and when you answered the door he said he had the "wrong place." NOW this is quite possible when you consider that "next to the stairs" is pretty subjective. But we are ALL next to the stairs, so I would think someone expecting a visitor would at least have the courtesy to specify which floor. The next day we all received a flier listing "safety precautions," notifying us that there had been an increased number of crimes in our area. All I can say is hallelujah for the 2nd amendment(when used responsibly, of course).

I live in south Florida, next to the woods. Florida might be a great place, but there is no denying, it is filled with crazies. (...annnnd Micky Mouse feigns, good ole' boys and The Bachelor/ette contestants.)


What I was getting at is..... it's THURSDAY, and that means Rob has a life drawing class at work tonight, so I have a couple extra hours to tackle some projects. I am going to pick one new "natural cleaning" method to try, based off of what I already have in the apt.

I can't wait to get into all the closets that we've been ignoring. Right now I just have stuff "put away," but it doesn't look so nice, my mission today is too get every corner of the apt in tip-top shape. Plus I will finally get around to hanging up the laundry I started 2 weeks ago. {Bleh}

Maybe I'll have some before and afters to share tomorrow.

Speaking of before and afters, one of my very best friends Tara and I entered into a little friendly weight loss competition. My bff Courtney is getting married in May, as her MOH I think my dress should at least fit. (I bought it a size too small, risky I know) That being said, time is running out and I've got to LBS to lose. We both have similar goals, but since we are such different builds we are going to base it off of body fat percentage not lbs.

If I were braver I would share a before picture, but ya know.. I just don't think that is going to happen, unless it is accompanied by an after picture.. I'll chat more about this tomorrow when I have come up with a game plan.

Namaste.

r

A link up and weekend recap.

So today I joined in on my very first link-up party that Liz @ The Blue Eyed Owl is hosting. She has quite a lovely blog, so go on over and say HAY.

I am determined to ditch my reclusive ways this year, so it seemed like a fun way to "meet" some new bloggers. So if you are stopping by because of the link up, Hellooooo and welcome to my digital corner of the interweb.

Now I will bore you with some details about my weekend.

First I will start with our visit to Orlando. The engagement party was a lot of fun! R and I were surrounded by so many people who love us. It was really great to catch up with my aunts and cousins, and I didn't even know what to do with all of the attention  we were getting from everyone. Of course I failed to take any pictures, so you will just have to trust that everyone looked nice, and about an hour in everyone had nice pink cheeks from all the wine they were consuming.. myself included. :)

This morning I woke up early and headed over to my parents house to hang out with my baby sister, who is not a baby anymore... which makes me sad. I know I have said this before, but having a sister that is 17 years my junior is kind of weird and simultaneously really awesome.

I am completely in love with all three of my siblings (and my niece Riley), but there is something about Hayden that just makes me melt. She has this little voice that is just too cute for words and she always says things like "I am pretty because I look like my big sisters" or "I love my freckles because they make me look like you Ryan..." flattery aside, tickle tortures and harassment are my second favorite thing about my little sister.. She lets me tickle her until she pees her pants (that actually happened this morning) and she lets me "beat up" on her, I don't know why.. but giving her a little smack on the forehead or butt is just too much fun. ;)

THEN I find things like this on my Ipad after I leave:

...and I melt all over again. My sister Taylor (who is 23) and I were talking about how sad it will be when Hayden (baby sister) is all grown up. We are just really hoping she skips the phase where she hates everyone when she is a teenager...we all know teenagers pretty much hate everyone, unless of course you are another teenager.

I also got to love on my wolfy man, Xander.

(wow the ipad takes really horrible pictures)

<3

Then I met back up with my love, and we headed home. One of the fun things about living in a rural area is your friends tend to have cool pets. One of our friends just got a horse, so we're about to go meet him. I grew up on horses, so I am pretty excited to go play.

 

{This guy belongs to my family, his name is Dock. He has some friends too an old mare named Satin, and a mule who we call Ted.  They live on my grandfathers ranch in Cheifland,  which is about 5 hours from where I currently live.}

Now that everyone knows I am completely obsessed with animals, I should also mention that my cats have been exceptionally cute this afternoon. 

Loki takes lap cat to a whole new level.


AND that's all. I am actually ready for it to be Monday so I can get back into my regular schedule and daily yoga,because today I am feeling the effects of drinking wine and champagne together and I don't want to do much of anything, I should know better. 

Namaste!

r

On Practice

I am a week into my third month where yoga, as a full time occupation, has been up for serious consideration.

The first month was a little rocky, and the second shared with the holidays.. the third has already been really rewarding; mentally and physically I have made some major improvements, especially in the physical practice of yoga.

Spiritually however, I am quite overwhelmed.

Spiritual matters have kept me quite curious over the years. I started questioning religions at a really young age; and while I have a pretty good idea where I stand spiritually, I really struggle with expressing myself this way. Actually, expressing myself on any personal level is quite difficult.

The most tragic of all of my flaws is my inability to let anyone in... I am very guarded of my inner layers. I know that most of my depression is directly related this, so it adds to the frustration. This personality flaw is no bueno for someone wanting to help guide others through their spiritual & physical journey, via yoga or otherwise.

When you are 25 and have never let anyone in how do you change? I've been making a conscious effort to be less guarded; it is by far one of the most difficult things I have tried to overcome. I suppose there is some strength to be gained by not being so afraid, but I'm not seeing the light, so continuing to open up to my friends and family is not getting easier.. I am not giving in, I will make the change whether I like it right now or not.

(I guess what you push under the rug really does come back to haunt you, eh?)

Ok, back to the physical and more positive aspect of this journey; I'm really enjoying the challenge of power yoga classes, none comparable however to P90x guy's Yoga X.

R and I have this joke that working out (sweating, cardio, pushing yourself) forces the evil out and I believe it; after a power session with Yoga X, I feel like a completely different, nicer person.

I also really enjoy and benefit from the more meditative practices of yoga as well, so I am hoping to combine the two as I get deeper into my practice.

The best part about making yoga apart of my every day life as been the more I learn, the less I know, I know.. ya know? ;) Yoga is a process where accepting yourself just as you are in that moment is a key to your success in the practice, you eventually get to where you need to be if you keep trying.

So that is where I am at.. I haven't stuck to something in a while, so I am very grateful for being at the right place at the right time, to gain the inspiration I needed to start this journey.

Namaste,

r

No goals and the recovering control freak.

Despite a few hiccups in the workout schedule (whats new?), so far 2012 has been quite productive.

{I need to make working out/yoga one of the first things I do for the day, not the last}

I was re-inspired to keep on with the no goal thing last night when this guest post on Zen Habits popped up in my reader.

I have been doing some new years cleaning; I go through every box, cabinet, drawer to clean, purge and organize. I even got on my hands and knees to scrub all of the tile floors.

I noticed a box that was filled with notebooks and journals from the past 4 years, and I couldn't even count all of the goals written on those pages. List, after list, of goals.

Of course most of those goals either don't matter anymore, happened by chance or not at all. I cringed at the thought of how many hours were spent distracting myself with making those lists. Lists of how I was going to be, or who I thought I should become. Lists detailing how I should spend every minute of my day. Lists telling me how to stay on track, lists telling me where to spend my money, lists on beauty regimes, lists about work out schedules.

The one thing all the lists had in common was that they simply have no meaning anymore. 

As I am sitting in my closet, with these notebooks that are filled with unfulfilled goals and self deprecating rants; all I see is wasted time and desperation for control.

It's a major relief actually. In retrospect I realize that those lists were written by someone who was really afraid of what they wanted, shackled by their past and by a totally-in-denial-complete-and-utter-control freak.

I think I have admitted to being a control freak three times in my life. This is big.


Control is my kryptonite. This became abundantly clear as I read through the piles of journals. I realized that the no goal thing works because it forces me to give up a certain level of control. It allows my productivity to come from a more inspired place.

Inspiration is what makes anything worth doing.

(btw, Is there a rehab for control freaks?)

Finding my old journals also reminded me why I write here; It really brings a sense of accomplishment to know I have changed evolved as much as I have. Even though I can be a control freak, I really embrace change... Moving passionately through my day has made me a better partner, artist, thinker and I've even flirted with a few new hobbies, AND I've been playing music again.

I mean seriously, WHO AM I? I haven't gotten so much stuff done.. like ever.

Moving on to the next part of my day now.

Have a fun weekend!

Namaste.
r

This is the place.

New years day might be one of my favorites, especially when it is not spent feeling ill from the night before. Last night we rung in the new year with some neighbors that we have only met a few times, and their FIVE children; all after R and I stuffed our faces at one of our favorite locally owned Italian joints. Carbohydrates & cheese, mmmmm.....

This past year has been weighing heavily on my mind lately; I am generally a reasonably positive person so with 2011 bringing me so much heck, my attitude towards life in general has been less than fluffy.

In 2011, I was forced into vulnerability. I was humbled and life really challenged me, seemingly to no avail, in ways I didn't always feel prepared for; .

At this exact moment last year I was sitting at a diner having breakfast with R, one of my  very best friends from Chicago, Stefanie, and her boyfriend Jeff. I had that same nostalgic feeling I am sure we all have about a New Year. Opportunity, success, renewed & restored relationships and optimism.

In that moment among my friends and love, we were gloating in the high of the rather successful 2010 we collectively experienced, and it never occurred to me that in nine very short days my world would completely change, never returning to what it once was.

I was visiting R in PSL for the weekend, the air was slightly chilly but the sun was hot, we were spending our morning enjoying dips in the jacuzzi and a beautiful Florida winter day, it was a Sunday; I would be headed back to Orlando in just a few hours so I could be fresh for work the next day.

That's when my step mother, who was also my employer of three years HR Manager, called.

Layoffs. Twelve people, I was one of them. Home Builders just couldn't survive a bad economy and a Chinese drywall fix in the budget.

I had never been let go from a job before, so it was a hard pill to swallow, but... I was surprisingly calm. The two months prior were spent withdrawing off of a bad medication, so thankfully my freak out button was maxed out.

Being the optimist that I am, it didn't take me long to see what a good opportunity this was for me. I was being paid severance, I didn't really like my job that much anyway, but was too afraid to leave and now was my chance to really be who I wanted to be. Less than a week later I found a new job, where I moved to a manager position almost immediately and a month later I decided that job was really stifling and unsatisfying, so I quit. I had never done that before either.

Ever since then I have been working my ass off in jobs I never thought I would have. In the spring I completely redesigned my grandmothers yard and home. I spent every afternoon fine tuning my green thumb, bringing her yard and my spirit back to life.

Those afternoons spent in the sun; repairing, digging and pruning were more than a landscaping project; those days were therapeutic, designed to repair the broken spirit I had been carrying around with me for so long.

Then the summer came and I spent my days in hiding and my nights dreaming of the next stage in my life. How I would get there, when and what it would take to do so; then it happened, my love promised me forever and everything after that seemed to fall into place. A whirlwind of good tidings got me through the rest of the summer and into the fall where it seemed like my life had truly just begun. 

Now entering the new year I have the same nostalgic feelings I've had all the years prior to this one and I realized that for every tear shed there have been a million more smiles, for every frustration there was a milestone and with every change, a new purpose.

Life is about forgetting your past, forgiving your failures, accepting change and vibrating at your full capacity, even if you feel like its getting you no where.

I said earlier this week that 2011 was a "beeotch," and you know what? It was, it was probably one of the hardest years of my life thus far; emotionally, spiritually, financially, socially... but it got me to this place. This place that I now call home, with this person who feels like home even when nothing is familiar, this place where I know that I am ready to make my dream happen with the person who is nothing short of a dream to me.

This must be the place where I was meant to be all along.


This year is going to be the best one yet, even if dark shadows lerk in the future, I'm ready for you 2012.

Happy New Year to all, and may all the ups and downs come with the peace and serenity you need to see all of the wonderful opportunities life will throw your way.

Namaste!
R

Bye-bye 2011.

I am beyond ecstatic that this year will be over in less than 48 hours!!!

I would recap the year, but I find it unnecessary since I am completely immersed in moving forward and 2011 kind of sucked, with the exception of my best friend asking me to marry him, that was awesome.

Remember when I decided I wasn't going to have goals anymore? Moving into 2012 I am sticking with it; never in my life have I been more productive. I highly recommend ditching your goals, and living your life (productively).

Plus, now I have a cool iPad so if I ever am feeling unproductive, I am sure there is an app to cure such madness.


I don't believe in resolutions; they have a bad wrap of never happening, and are easily forgotten so this year I have some aspirations:

I aspire to be more playful, inventive and in touch with my inner-child.
I aspire to start each day with intention, and end each day feeling accomplished.
I aspire to have healthy relationships with friends and family.
I aspire to have a healthy body, mind and soul.
I aspire to be a better, more giving partner and friend to R.
I aspire to live life with less barriers and an open heart.
I aspire to be the most compassionate & understanding version of myself 
and last but not least...

This year I aspire to find three things each day that I can do for someone else, even if it's just a small act of kindness.


On the blogfront this year you can expect a new look for TMBTP, more of my personal art work, the beginning stages of my etsy shop, R and I getting ready for Burning Man, a more adventurous version of the R&R you all know and love (or love to hate, Idk) and as always lots of pictures of my three cats doing very cute things.. :)

I hope everyone has a safe and celebratory weekend. Let this year be your best because according to the Mayan Calender this year is your last! (bahahahahahaha, don't actually believe that!) Also, don't forget to eat your black-eyed peas and collard greens on New Years Day!

xo, Namaste and see ya next year freaks and geeks!

R

...an incomplete list of small pleasures

The sound of wind chimes.

When everything in sight looks warm.

The sun on my skin.

Sleeping (cuddling) cats.

Soft white sheets.

The hum that silence makes

Florida skies

and....

Seester, seester.

This week has gone by really fast, I've been surprisingly productive (thanks to no goals?). I got a lot of organizing, painting, cleaning, card writing and I even managed to create a legit office space for myself with out compromising the guest room too much, however I really skipped out on working out and doing yoga which is why R and I will be spending our Friday night at the gym; neither one of us have been sleeping well which has been making us gym shy, even though working out/yoga are the two things that guarantee a good night sleep.. Sweating the evil out, and stretching.

My sister is expected to arrive tonight from NC to spend the weekend with R and I. She will have my adorable niece Riley in tow, and I am very excited to get some one on one time with my seest-- a rare occasion unfortunately, and gifting my niece the bunny I made this week. {Fret not he now has arms and I have until 4 to give him some eyeballs}.

None of our close friends have kids, so I am interested to see how R and I handle a little one in the house; It's not that we don't like kids.. I just like everything to be really clean, quiet and calm and in my control and R has no experience with children other than occasional interactions with my kid sister, who is 8 now (She was 1.5 when R and I met), and doesn't know what to do with them or expect from them. 

So it will be interesting, and lots of fun. Plus, Riley is adorable, so even if she is bad I am sure I will find a way to enjoy her cuteness. ;)

Having a sister close in age is proving to be one of the best things my parents ever did; we just laugh and laugh and laugh.

That's all for now.

Happy weekend to all,

Namaste,
r

Today, last week, last years.

 Power breakfast: Greek yogurt, blueberries, apple, English muffin and egg whites with peppers and jack.

~ 

{12.6}

{bottom two pics 12.15}

~

{2006}

{2007}

{Today}

Would it be cliche to say that life is good?

Namaste.

r

Armless, abstract and a good day.

R was home sick today; whether he was actually sick or not, I am not sure. He slept in until about 1pm {which he never does and makes me think yes, he was actually ill} and then he played video games in the office all day.. which was fine with me because I sat on my living room floor and made things all day.

Like this eyeless, armless bunny.

I crocheted him this afternoon with my niece and Christmas in mind. I think my sister would appreciate some eyes and arms on the little fella first however. I always forget how much I love to crochet. I think I am going to make a cat next, and add a little funk to him.

{Did I mention my sister is coming to visit us on Friday from NC? I haven't seen her since the beginning of summer.}

Then I sat in my messy living room and made an abstract painting that I am not sure if I love or hate, hung out with cats, and watched Alred Hitchcock and the Twilight Zone on Netflix.

It was a good day.

Namaste,
r

abducted

I love it when stores at the mall have displays where I can leave my mark.

;)

100 days with no goals, inspired by Zen Habits

One of my very favorite places on the web is a lovely blog called Zen Habits.

If I could be anyone other than myself, I would want to be a female version of this guy; R and I both really enjoy his tips and I credit this blog for many of the positive changes I have experienced this year.

The last post was titled 100 Days with No Goals.

An intriguing title indeed since I am the type that makes goals, and then either flakes out on them, falls short or just plain beats myself up for making too many that I just cant keep up with. OR, I will just start over and over and over and over again, only to fail.. over and over and over and over again.

R and I both kind of giggled when the post popped up in my reader, I think R's very words were:

"That is so Buddhist" {btw, we love Buddhists.}


Well as Buddhist as it may be, I think the guy is right. Without goals, you are able to just make choices.

You choose to be happy.
You choose to live in the moment.
You choose to nurture your relationships.
You choose to exercise.
You choose to eat healthily.
You choose to tend to your craft.
....and you can also choose to ignore any and all of the above.

Becoming goalless leaves a lot more room for productivity since you aren't wasting so much time beating yourself up, planning, failing, etc; at least I think this will be true for me.


I spend waste so much time thinking about goals, planning how to accomplish them, trying to fit them into my schedule of other goals, that by the time I am done.. I have accomplished nothing, I am completely cross eyed, and the day has almost completely passed me by. THEN, 2 weeks later, when I have accomplished almost nothing.. I beat myself up, think I am a loser and all of that is followed by a week or two of depression, and then it starts all over again.

After reading this post, I realized that most of my stress and feelings of inadequacy are directly related to not accomplishing goals. The funny thing is, before reading this post I had been trying to think of ways to turn goals into habits so there would be less effort needed to accomplish said goals; in the end I just submitted to the fact that I am not a very goal oriented person, and my tragic flaw is lack of motivation and/or laziness; which makes me feel bad about myself..

Then, the other morning.. whilst checking my emails this post came in, and everything seemed to click.

I am a choices person. I like to make choices based off of what I want to do and where I want to go. Goals just seem so rigid and restricting; I've always had a hard time with them. I feel like goals really stifle my creative process, and they really distract me from being the kind of person I really want to be.. Footloose and fancy free. 

In fact, the time of my life where I was the most productive, was when I was 17-18 wanting to move to Chicago.. I didn't set goals to move to Chicago, I made choices that put me in the position to get there. I made an awesome portfolio which awarded me the Presidential Scholarship, I decided that any money I made from working on the weekends went towards plane tickets to visit Chicago and the rest of the money I made went towards bills, hanging out with friends and tattoos. While at the time I struggled with a lot of family problems, I was quite accomplished and incredibly productive; creatively, financially and socially.

As an adult, I have become more goal oriented, but less productive. All talk, little or no action. Goals turn me into a really rigid, unhappy (and hungry) recluse who only eats carrots and hard boiled eggs.

I've realized that goals leave too much room for one to dwell on the past; what they did or DIDN'T do yesterday that got them further away from accomplishing some goal that ultimately doesn't matter anyway because it doesn't in any way, shape or form contribute to ones happiness.

So... inspired by the Zen Habits post, R and I are both taking the plunge into a goalless life; moving forward we're making choices based off of habits we enjoy, lifestyles we dig, and places we love.

Choices that set us up for success and get us to the places we want to be. In the moment living at its finest.

Read Zen Habits, this blog is consistently awesome and it's one that R and I love to share with each other.

Namaste!
r

New Shoes and LOTR

Well, after waiting an extra week for my Simple Shoes to come in (Apparently Fed-x likes to put notices on the wrong door) I finally get to wear them.

Today we {as in the shoes and I} are going on a bike ride, but first.. I must share them..

 Those aren't laces, those are elastic bands! & yes, that tattoo is an ode to LOTR.

 Plaid!

Love your feet and get some while you can, they are on-sale too @ Zappos! This pair is almost as comfortable as my last pair, and I really love this brand because they recycle and don't kill animals {except my nine-west leather boots somehow have been deemed ok}.

That's all, I need to get ready for my card making girls night; my apartment looks like my closet threw up and that almond milk I made last night seems to be all over my kitchen.. That's what I get for drinking margluncharitas with the neighbor. :P

Namaste!
r

On simplifing life.

Happy Monday Readers!

I don't know if it is because I am getting deeper into my journey of becoming a yogini-- or if it was inevitable, but I feel this huge shift happening within myself.

I am becoming more aware of my emotions and those around me. I am becoming more accepting of circumstance. I am relishing at a slight breeze, the morning sun, my beautiful thriving garden, the distant sounds of ducks finding their new home in my warm state and mornings tucked in tight with the sweetest man I have ever met.

In honor of all of the wonderful changes happening in my life, I am going to start refocusing This Must Be The Place to reflect as such. Happiness is such a simple thing to obtain, and yet it is compromised by so many complications. I've struggled with acceptance, happiness, direction, friendships, relationships and everything else in between because I let things get too complicated.

I woke up this morning realizing that I need a major life detox, everything needs to be stripped down and rethought..


Some things I will start {re}focusing on:

• Creating more meaningful relationships with friends and family
• Eating clean, raw and locally grown
• Keeping the body and mind disciplined and pure
• Allowing inspiration in and illuminating negative distractions
• Letting love and compassion be the compass to my life
• Being present, open and accepting

Through this exploration, I hope to inspire some of you to do the same and encourage the rest of you to keep digging for your own personal truths. :)

ras photography 2011

I will be significantly cutting down my time spent on the Internet this week, but I shall return with a fresh approach to life, blogging and everything else.  


Namaste!
r

Gratitude

I just love Ted-talks, I always find them so inspiring. This one really inspired me this morning.
If I'm not back for a while then I went camping or something. :P

Namaste & enjoy your day.

r

On ch-ch-ch-changes, starting early, and getting my yogi on.

Is it really November 28th? It seems like I was just complaining about October ending...

I probably ate my weight in Thanksgiving left-overs this weekend; I've never been so happy to see the end of a mashed potato bowl. It goes without saying that I am feeling a little tight in the pants, bloated and I went ahead and put the scale in the closet so it would stop taunting me, I'm certain I am not a lone..

I was going to wait until the new year to get started, but then I decided that was just my old self trying to sabotage anything good I have planned for my 25th year. Plus, it being "the holidays" is no excuse to not be mindful of eating and exercise habits. I'm just going to say, I feel really bad for all your sugar freaks out there, the holidays would be a killing for me. LUCKILY, I grew up allergic to Chocolate (something I grew out of in my 20's) so I've never been big on sweets. Thank god!

Most of these changes are directly related to becoming a yogini; First I need to ditch meat, get fit, and make time for practice.  Since becoming a yoga instructor is going to require the most work and most changes, I'll start there:



On {reinstating} Vegetarianism:
For 6 years I was a vegetarian, and that is when I felt and looked my healthiest. The yogic community does not require one to become a vegetarian in order to become a yogi, however.. vegetarianism has been referred to as a practice of ahimsa {non-harming}. If becoming a vegetarian leaves your body sick and weak, then you are practicing ahimsa on yourself, this is why (I have read) the Dali Lama is not 100%  vegetarian.

I was really him-hawing over becoming vegetarian again, because lets face it, eating meat is just easier-- but I watched a documentary the other day called Life in a Day (which has nothing to do with vegetarianism, but is a great thoughtful film) and I was reminded of how animals are able to sense when danger is present; so in my mind there really is no humane way to kill an animal because ultimately, the animal is afraid, and that produces toxins and in turn, we eat those toxins. {And if you believe in karma, you are also consuming the negative feelings of fear.} I've always took stock in this, and honestly-- we aren't HUGE carnivores over here, but I am eating more meat than I would be willing to kill myself and that's all I will say about that.

I am not saying I will never eat meat again, but I am saying that since I have control over what is in our kitchen, and what I order while we are out.. I will be choosing vegetarian, over non-vegetarian options. I'm looking at a 95/5 ratio-- this leaves some wiggle room for situations where I am not in control of the menu {and an occasional Fish & Chips}. Plus, if the Dali Lama occasionally eats meat, then I can.


On Getting Fit
The extra weight I carry around prevents me from being as flexible as I can be and truth be told, I've never been to a yoga class where the instructor was 'thick.' I'm not judging the chunk, I'm just saying.. Part of the deal is having a healthy mind and BODY. It is my belief that teachers need to be the shining example of what they teach-- I would be very weary if I had an English professor with poor grammar.

Teacher's need not be perfect, since perfection doesn't exist, but I can't expect people to want to take my class if I am not giving them something worth aspiring to spiritually and physically.. The physical is really important to me since so many people who practice yoga are from many different belief systems; I would never expect someone to believe in what I believe if it did not feel right or true to them. The universe talks to us all in many different languages and your body tells a story too; I want mine to say disciplined, determined, healthy, flexible and pure.

On making time to Practice
I work at home, so it is really easy for me to get distracted by cleaning, blogging, commissions, etc; so more often than not I get too distracted to go work out, stretch, do yoga and get some meditation into my day. Really there is no excuse, I am up every morning around 6:30 am and I go to bed sometime in the 10 o'clock hour. That's 16 hours that I have to either waste or use efficiently and effectively-- moving forward, I will be using those hours more productively.

Bottom line is, I need a schedule, and I need to stick to it like white on rice. This new life-style requires a lot of discipline that quite frankly, at the moment, I am lacking.

-----------------------------------------------------

I plan on starting a new little feature here on TMBTP wherein I document my journey into becoming a yogini. In the very least this feature will document my journey to becoming an instructor, since it is very likely that becoming a yogini will take many, many years of disciplined practice.

There will be a page, and hopefully a cute, catchy name for this new addition to my blog-- but I haven't come up with afore mentioned name, and I am too lazy to build a page today, so all that will likely happen this weekend.

R and I are tossing around some business ideas, a yoga studio hybrid-- that's all I can say.

I'm ready to wear some scarves with my flip flops! :P

Happy Monday & Namaste!

R