I am a week into my third month where yoga, as a full time occupation, has been up for serious consideration.
The first month was a little rocky, and the second shared with the holidays.. the third has already been really rewarding; mentally and physically I have made some major improvements, especially in the physical practice of yoga.
Spiritually however, I am quite overwhelmed.
Spiritual matters have kept me quite curious over the years. I started questioning religions at a really young age; and while I have a pretty good idea where I stand spiritually, I really struggle with expressing myself this way. Actually, expressing myself on any personal level is quite difficult.
The most tragic of all of my flaws is my inability to let anyone in... I am very guarded of my inner layers. I know that most of my depression is directly related this, so it adds to the frustration. This personality flaw is no bueno for someone wanting to help guide others through their spiritual & physical journey, via yoga or otherwise.
When you are 25 and have never let anyone in how do you change? I've been making a conscious effort to be less guarded; it is by far one of the most difficult things I have tried to overcome. I suppose there is some strength to be gained by not being so afraid, but I'm not seeing the light, so continuing to open up to my friends and family is not getting easier.. I am not giving in, I will make the change whether I like it right now or not.
(I guess what you push under the rug really does come back to haunt you, eh?)
Ok, back to the physical and more positive aspect of this journey; I'm really enjoying the challenge of power yoga classes, none comparable however to P90x guy's Yoga X.
R and I have this joke that working out (sweating, cardio, pushing yourself) forces the evil out and I believe it; after a power session with Yoga X, I feel like a completely different, nicer person.
I also really enjoy and benefit from the more meditative practices of yoga as well, so I am hoping to combine the two as I get deeper into my practice.
The best part about making yoga apart of my every day life as been the more I learn, the less I know, I know.. ya know? ;) Yoga is a process where accepting yourself just as you are in that moment is a key to your success in the practice, you eventually get to where you need to be if you keep trying.
So that is where I am at.. I haven't stuck to something in a while, so I am very grateful for being at the right place at the right time, to gain the inspiration I needed to start this journey.