2.05.2012

What kindness has taught me.

I wrote a post yesterday wherein I blathered on about tattoos, regrets, a little this and little that, but what got me writing was the sadness I was feeling because people can be so unkind to each other. Yesterdays sadness was directed towards not only those who made flippant accusations about the writer, but towards the "infamous" writer herself... The whole situation is just sad to me.

Yesterday, for the first time as a blogger someone was less than kind to me, telling me my "Harley sized tattoos" are not "classy," a claim I never made-- and one of the main reasons I "cover up" when getting dressed up, or doing something "important," they would have known that had they actually read what I wrote, instead of just passing judgement on me and trying to anonymously hurt my feelings.

For the record, it didn't hurt my feelings, in fact, I just feel sorry for that person. They must have a lot of pain in their heart to be spreading hateful, off kilter comments on another persons blog anonymously.. but now I have another person to send some kind thoughts to this morning, and for that I am thankful.

I love to spread the love.

I digress.

People can just be down right mean to one another, and you know what, I understand.

I have done some down right rotten things.

I've backed out of two weddings where I was suppose to be Maid of Honor, I was HORRIBLE to my sister when she got pregnant.. and horrible is an understatement, and I have said some horrendous things out of anger to and about my mother, just to name a few. I am not proud of these things, but at the end of the day we can only learn from our experiences, forgive ourselves (and others) and move on.

This past year I have learned that coming from a place of kindness and compassion is a rather lucrative avenue to take, and I have tried to consciously make that a part of my daily life. Some days are better than others, but I'd say lately, most days have been successful, which means I am becoming more conscious, which is a wonderful thing.

I am not going to lie, finding that peaceful place within myself has been and continues to be a difficult task, it is also a rewarding one. In my 25 years, I have harvested so much anger and sadness-- It is quite the task mopping up pools of resentment, jealousy & anger-- they all have deep trenches that seem impossible to access most days-- but, light is most useful when you have a dark place to put it in, so I am up for the challenge.

The point I was trying to make yesterday, was that it shouldn't matter if someone is covered in tattoos, or body piercings, or if they have a turbulent past, or if they post ignorant opinion pieces on a college web-zine or even if they say or think something unthinkably horrible.. we should always be wishing kind things for others, and I have found that when it is the most difficult to give someone the gift of kindness & compassion, is when it is the most rewarding for all parties..

One of my favorite quotes:

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

I define anger in its broadest form: jealously, resentment, sadness, judgement, etc... in the end we are just hurting ourselves by not practicing kindness. Kindness has to start on the inside.

You can not be kind to others if you are not kind to yourself.

 "Love others as you love yourself" right?

I'm starting to believe kindness and forgiveness to oneself is the ultimate act of kindness. The way you treat yourself is a reflection of how you treat others,I truly believe that.
 
When someone is unkind, I automatically recognize that they are hurting. Having this realization on a personal level has made it so much easier for me to be compassionate through adversity. Becoming aware of all the hurt people are feeling, makes me want to be even kinder, to myself and others.

{I've been practicing something called Metta Bhavana (Loving Kindness) meditation if you are interested}

I have realized that a lack of kindness comes from a place of hurt within oneself, because I have done it myself. Even though, my participation in unkind acts is happening less often, when I am unkind  to another person, or myself.. (after all, I am only human) it is because I am not dealing with or recognizing whatever the internal issue is.



I use to think I was so aware, on many counts I was just more aware than those I associated with, but I am starting to realize, I was just too afraid to continue doing the work because I knew I still had a long way to go, I am certainly not alone in this, because I think we all can be a little more patient, a little more kind and a little more encouraging to one another.

I am challenging myself, and therefore others, to consciously remember that we are all in this together, none of us make it out alive(on this planet at least), and we each single handily hold the power to not only practice kindness on ourselves and others, we have the capacity to inspire kind thoughts within others.

Namaste,
r







8 comments:

  1. So beautifully and tastefully put/written. Thank you for this post.
    SHE LIVES IN A FAIRY TALE
    http://perfectly-vintage-nightowl.blogspot.com/
    Kaili

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  2. Thank you for writing this post. I really enjoyed reading it. Since I moved to Hawaii, I realized just how unnecessary it is to be mean, to hold grudges, and to pass judgement. I, in no way, practice what I preach, but I have definitely tried to make a significant change in my lifestyle.

    When you wrote about the anonymous commenter, I truly felt sorry for that person. I deal with a lot of angry customers on a daily basis, and I have come to the conclusion that you really can't do anything about mean people but to wish them well. I truly do feel bad about people who are constantly angry and mean, but that is all the more reason for me to try to break through to them with kindness. Trust me, it is NOT easy for me to be humble in angry situations, as I have always been known to be quite the bitch. However, there comes a time when we all need to grow up and recalculate the effects of our actions.

    Best of luck to the anonymous person. I hope they find something they are truly passionate about and can actually start to enjoy life a little bit.

    Your posts and pictures are always awesome. Keep it up! :)

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    1. No, no.. Thank you for the kind words..

      I know what you mean.. It is so hard to be the best version of oneself.. You nailed it right on the head, it is difficult to be humble in angry situations-- we can take comfort in knowing that most people struggle with this, and it is never too late to rectify our actions.. Forgiveness is given, not earned. :)

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  3. I just read your Tats and Class post, and I really liked it! I'm sorry someone was nasty about it. But, you know, that must mean that you said something important.

    Anyway. I don't understand why people have to be mean. Especially to strangers. I think it's just silly.

    And. I LOVE your new blog look. You are talented!

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    1. Thanks lady!

      You are a talent too! :)

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  4. Fortunately, the Internet brings out the best sides of people (such as yourself).

    Unfortunately, it also brings out people who lash out and say hurtful things, comforted by the mask of anonymity.

    I hope you are able to continue letting go of any ill feelings you have in your heart toward them. I know if someone were to write a nasty comment on one of my pages I would find it very appalling. A blog is like someone's home. Manners dictate that you don't go in there and spew hate.

    ~Shane

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