Org*ZENize.

Hey Kids!

I started my own business-- I'm still working out the kinks, getting certificates I need and all that jazz, but I will be devoting most of my time to  my new site and launching my new business.

www.orgZENize.com

 

 

 

I'm really excited about this-- over the years I have become quite good at organization, and doing so quickly, and I actually really enjoy it. I'm hoping my business can help family and business find a little ZEN.

Add OrgZENize to your blogroll!

Xo

NAMASTE.

ryan

Hit or miss.

I've been avoiding the blogspace lately.

I don't know what it has been lately, but I guess I feel like blogs that lack substance (in my opinion) are the most popular-- I just can't get into all the fashion posts, copy-cat pinterest DIY's, and "sponsor my blog" posts.

Can we just keep it real? I want to know about YOU.

Not your closet, or your desperation for extra income.

I'm not trying to be judgey-- but I can't be the only one that goes through their blogroll completely disinterested in almost every post. The most frustrating thing for me has been a lot of blogs I use to like, lost their individuality. Sometimes I feel like blogging is an extension of High School-- all the popular kids are conformist, and the creative/quirky kids aren't really given the time of day even though they are the most interesting.

ANYway, because of all that, I have a hard time seeing where I fit into the blogworld. The more I express my true self, the less readers I seem to have. I don't take that personally: I'm not interested in fashion, or documenting every DIY project I make. I don't go out much. I'm not a socialite. I don't have any kids and I'm not that interested in weddings (even though I am planning one). Of course there are a ton of bloggers out there that talk about their kids, or wedding ideas or fashion blips that I find interesting.. but for the most part, I am bored with bloggers.

I do like to share my journey-- quirks and differences aside. But I have to admit, I started blogging in hopes of reaching out to folks who share interests, maybe making some friends.. but that hasn't really happened.

I feel really out of place.


Things around here have been a little crazy.

R is working seven days a week, 9am-1am. It is insane. I see how tired he is, and I just feel so bad. I know this is the career he signed up for, and crazy hours during this season are inevitable, but I miss spending time with my guy. Our time has been limited to cuddling at night, and sometimes he wakes up early enough for us to have breakfast/Coffee together-- lately though, he's been rushing out the door to make it to work on time.

R had the day off on Saturday (due to a brown out), so we went for a hike in Malibu's Solstice Canyon. There is a lovely waterfall and stream at the end of the trail, so I brought my crystals with me for a little cleansing and enjoyed a really lovely meditation in the sun.

One of my good friends from High School, my "sister from another mister," Desi-- is working in LA this week, so I had a little dinner party on Sunday night which was a lot of fun. I got to introduce one of my new good friends with one of my old good friends. Red wine was flowing, and apparently the food was good.

I finally got most of the skunk smell out of our place-- but I occassionally still smell it. The smell seems to stick to metal. It's gross.

I've been a little disappointed with wedding planning. I sent out our invites Jan 3rd, and I have only received about 4 RSVP cards in the mail, and a handful of online RSVP's-- I guess I thought I would have a lot more "excitement" from my family-- but unfortunately, everyone seems really caught up in their own lives.

My family has never really been great at validating me: calling me back, emailing me back, or facebooking me back. I am pretty good at keeping in touch with friends and family.. even though the thought is rarely reciprocated, but after a while it really starts to feel like rejection and lately it's really been eating at me.

I have to admit, without my guy around I've been pretty lonely. Most of my friends work for the same company that Rob works for, and the few times I have tried to "put myself out there".. I end up feeling like a freaking weirdo.

At least I have SKYRIM and cats to entertain me.

le sigh.

Hope everyone is well.

Namaste.

r

Skunk in the City

A few weeks ago, R and I woke up to the smell of burning plastic. We have a water distiller, and the smell seemed to be coming from the motor, so we freaked, unplugged it.. and returned it for repair.

Then 2 nights ago we woke up to this faint squealing noise, and the smell of burning plastic. I mean this is one of the most TOXIC smells I have ever encountered-- I thought for sure this time it was our heater burning up! We live in an old building, so I just thought maybe the wiring wasn't great and was burning up our appliances.

Rob and I thought the sound was divine intervention, ya know, saving us from our heater catching fire.

Then last night, my cousin visited me while she road trips to Dallas, and the squealing happened again.

We go outside, investigate the sound, open the grate to the crawlspace under the building, look in with a flash light.. and the burning plastic smell takes over the alley. I start freaking out.

"THERE'S THAT SMELL AGAIN!"

We're both completely repulsed, and I honestly start to panic. This is the 3rd time-- I keep thinking.. THESE ARE THE SMELLS CANCER IS MADE OF.

At this point I'm thinking that I am breathing in some awful plastic fumes. I am quite anti-plastics. I know you can't really avoid it all the time, but I store all of our leftovers in glass, drink out of glass (we even have glass water bottles) and ya know, plastic fumes kind of freak me out.

So after my cousin and I determine this is some kind of animal being killed under the building, I notice that my neighbor is up, spraying her apartment with lysol.

I know on the door and ask her if she smells it too.. She only speaks Spanish, so she said to me:

"¡Es una mofeta! ¡Morirse!  " (I think that's how she said it anyway)

I didn't know what "mofeta" meant, but I did understand the second part "Dying"

So I start putting two and two together, and ask the great google:

"What does skunk spray smell like"

Google informs me that skunk often smells like burning rubber/plastic.

Ladies & Gentleman, we have our culprit.

A skunk, is living & dying under my building. The smell is atrocious. It sticks to the inside of your sinus, and lingers for hours.


The good news is, I haven't been poisoned by plastic. The bad news is, my apartment smells like skunk & it is making me ill.


That's all!

Wedding Roller Coaster.

It seems another week has flown by.

I've been pretty busy with wedding stuffs this week.

• I mailed out our invitations. (And I even got 2 RSVP's on our website) 

• I bought my shoes-- I can also wear them with my rehearsal dress.

• I determined how the ceremony would "flow"-- (we're doing something really different, I am so excited to share with you all)
• I made some "Do-To" lists
• We hired some wedding day "help" and a bartender.
• My MIL and I picked a rehearsal dinner location. 
• I ordered gifts for my ladies. 

 I got myself A3, my matron and maid of honor A7, and my 3 bridesmaids A4.

Via Sunset to Sunrise Etsy shop.

They have SO many options & so far they have been really nice, I can't wait to see the product.

• I looked at some wedding rings online. 
• I made an appointment to get my Cali ID (Again.. they were closed last time and I need a Cali ID to get our FL Marriage License with the quickness--otherwise we are considered residents and have to wait 3 days) 

and......

• I found some of the things I will need to get the "wedding favors" completed. We're going to put vinyl chalkboard stickers on Wine/Beer glasses for our guest to use and take home. I was going to use the paint, but not that I am in Cali and will only have a day to get these together, I think the stickers are going to be a life saver. ;)  

Only 51 more days! We're getting pretty stoked. I mean, we've been engaged since August 2011! 

That's a long wait!

What else can I share on this fine Friday.. 

OH YES. The weekend. My guy is working Saturday & Sunday (bummer, I know) but, the silver lining is that I get to go to Magic Mountain with my buddy Mike. R hates roller coasters. I think they freak him out, and since he has a bad inner ear, they make him SUPER sick, so I've had to pretty much accept that we would never have a theme park date. LUCKILY our good friend also loves coasters, so we're going and it will be awesome. That's tomorrow. ;) 

What's up with you peeps?

Have a great weekend!

Namaste!

R

2013 non-goals & Chinese dinner..

Happy New Year!

I've been taking a bit of a breather from the blog world lately. Sometimes I feel like I get all caught up-- Tangled in a mess of the thoughts & opinions of others, my own thoughts and opinions, and before you know it... I feel like I am losing any relevance, and then I think everyone else thinks I am a wack job, and then.. ya know.

At least, that is what my ego likes me to think.

ANYwho.

Not a big fan of the holiday season, so since I didn't have many nice things to say about Christmas, and all the hoopla that it entails, I just enjoyed spending 10 days with my love, (almost) internet free. R has been working like a dog since we moved here, so it was really nice to get in some extra lovin' while he was off.

We had dinner in China town on Christmas. We had high hopes since all the folks in there were Chinese and/or Jewish.. but the service ended up being terrible, and my vegetarian entree had prawns in it. Prawns are not vegetarian. (OH, I should mention, I finally committed to being a vegetarian again. More on that later-- going on 3 weeks now)

New years was a blast. Our friend caught wind of some party happening near down town. $25 a ticket, DJ's spinning 45's all night, and open bar. Not too shabby. Rob and I danced the night away, and made out almost all night long like a bunch of horny teenagers. It was awesome.

We hang out with "the guys" a lot, so our public display of affection is often limited to wedgies and my acceptance of his flatulence.

Earlier in the day on New years eve we ate Ethiopian food with some of our friends who moved to LA from Florida.. it was grand. Seriously, if you haven't had Ethipean food, and you like Indian/Ethnic foods, go try it.. SO freaking good.

While he was off we hiked in Runyon Canyon, geeked out at the Pace Museum, went for jogs together, got a little wild and slept in past 6:30 some morning (I think our latest was 8am!), ate a lot of ethnic foods, hung out in Venice, and cuddled (a lot).

Rob went back to work yesterday, so I have been spending my free time thinking of how I am going to make this year better than the last.

2012 was pretty good to me. I stayed on a pretty healthy track, lost 20 lbs (gained 10 with the move, and lost 10 again-- so it evened out, and I get to keep my 20 lbs lost status, woop woop)

2012 highlights:
Losing 20 lbs
Being 100% med free, and managing my spectrum with great ease and awareness (BP talk)
Finding my voice
Volunteering with the Red Cross & meeting some really awesome folks.
Deepening my yoga/spiritual practice
Self love & acceptance
Dress shopping with my mom and MIL.
Moving to L.A. (Road tripping with my lover and kitties was mostly a blast!)
Medical Marijuana (I had to include it because MM is a depression killer, and big pharma is a depression perpetrator. IMHO)
Strengthening, repairing and developing friendships, old and new.
..and closing out the year with my sweet guy!

There is a lot that went down in 2012-- I changed more this year than any other year (I think I say that every year, but that's a good thing) I'm really excited about 2013 & I am getting married in just 59 days! AH!

So here are some of my New Years Non-Goals.

(Last year I talked about non-goals being better than goals because non-goals are something you just do because you should/it's important, and goals are something you think about doing and usually end up never doing-- Kind of like resolutions.) ;)


2013 Non-Goals

1. Maintain a diet that is strong in Sattva Guna. Essentially this is the "yogi or Sattvic diet." You want to avoid foods that are Tamasic (Harmful to the body/consciousness-- meat, fish, egg, onion, garlic, scallion, leek, chive, mushroom, alcoholic beverages, , blue cheese, and stale food.) Limit the consumption of Rajasic foods (stimulants, spicy foods, salt, chocolates, etc.) and mostly consume foods that are Sattvic-- fresh fruits, high-in-chlorophyll veggies, nuts, berries, legumes and some milks/cheeses (from healthy animals) is okay too.

2. Recommit to a full time work out routine. I was really consistent until about August-- Fell off the wagon with work & the move, but it's never too late to get back on! I'm hoping to become a better runner, more flexible & consistent yogi, and I'd like to once and for all shed the remaining 20 lbs I have hanging around to get me at the lower spectrum of my "healthy weight."

3. Find a community project to get involved with. I'm not exactly sure if I want to go with volunteering again, or if I want to find a job that is community based, or if I want to start my OWN project-- But I know I want to do something that serves/benefits others.

4. Attend at least one group meditation per month. (..and Yoga doesn't count) I am not very good or consistent with meditation, but I know how powerful the benefits can be if you stick to it and grow with it. I think the best way to accomplish this would be by attending & exploring some of the many guided meditations offered throughout the city (They're usually free too!)

5. Quit using fowl/abrasive language & quit resorting to yelling or "talking loudly" when I am angry/upset.  I love a good swear word, the F--K word being one of my favorite expressions for many emotions, but BOY do they sound cheap! In 2013, I'd like to keep it a little classier and use better words to express my frustrations. Something I really don't like about myself is how easy it is for me to get loud (and then swear) when I am frustrated/angry. I'm better and more mindful than all that.

6. Save money to ACTUALLY take a Yoga teacher training course in the fall.

7. Stop relying on alcohol to make social interactions easier. This is something I am almost a little embarrassed to admit on public forum, but it is the truth. Alcohol is such an acceptable drug in our society that it is hard to tell when you think you might need to cool it-- especially if you are functional & not one of those crazy angry belligerent drunks. The truth is, I can hardly have "just one drink" and I drink more when I am anxious, frustrated, uncomfortable, etc, and that has to stop immediately. I also have no problem drinking several glasses of wine at home, alone. I spend a lot of time alone, so I never really thought too much of it but Alcoholism is something that runs deep in my family, and I do not want to perpetuate the cycle. I know all too well the effects that alcohol abuse has on a family, and I think being aware of and owning your "weaknesses" is the only way to fix/end bad cycles. I am not saying that I am an alcoholic (yet), but I am saying that I  can see the slippery slope, and I refuse to go down that rabbit hole.

8. Spend my time more wisely. Some days, I really waste my time. I HATE it and have become completely intolerant of it since my uncles car accident the week before Thanksgiving-- in a single instant he lost everything that was normal to him. He will never walk again, he will never use a toilet again (his waste is deposited into bags attached to his body), he wont make love (in the normal way) to his wife ever again, he has lost an incredible amount of privacy and he is destined to a life of sitting in a chair. I am not suggesting he will never have joy again, because he will.. but what I am getting at is.. Knowing that someone as vivacious and loving as my uncle could have it all taken away, really gets you thinking about how one should spend his/her time. I have not been as productive as I could be or as active & grateful as I should be.

9. Stop engaging in confrontation. I have a tendency to call people out. Sometimes I just can't help it. As a Sagittarius, I love the truth more than I love peace. Now, I am in NO way suggesting that I will stop speaking the truth, or calling out injustices, but I think I could afford approaching such issues with a lot more tact and I could be a little picker when it comes to which conversations I chose to engage in.

10. Be a kinder, more supportive (wife!) partner to Rob. I'm a fire personality-- he is water. I think R really appreciates my straight-forward-no-BS personality, but I could definitely be "softer" towards him. Sometimes when I am trying to be constructive, I am not being mindful of where he is coming from so I end up tearing him down instead of building him up, which is NOT my intention at all!


SO there you have it. Some typical, some not.

What improvments are you interested in making this year?
XXXOOO.

Namaste!

Ryan

unconditional love, the stars, my father & wedding.

Whew!

What a week!

A lot, and I mean, A LOT, has been going on lately. On a personal level, in the news, the universe, in friendships, relationships, everything.

SO here goes.

1. The Sandy Hook Shooting.

I do not have "Television"-- we, as a couple choose to not have television for 2 reasons-- Main stream media is evil and it is WAY to easy to get sucked into 4 hours of TV at a time. Albeit, I am totally guilty of watching Netflix four hours a day, but I/we can justify this behavior if we spend at least half of that time watching documentary's (educational, right?!).

SO on Friday, I was facebooking, when the shooting was brought to my attention. Naturally I was curious, so tried to find a live new feed.

Two things stood out to me.

A. 24 hour, Main stream News Media is freaking evil. They were all so concerned with identifying the shooter FIRST that they wrongly named Ryan Lanza as the shooter. I mean really, what the fuck is wrong with journalism these days? It is much better to have a delayed response of TRUTH, than an inaccurate FIRST response.

B. People really don't want to give up their rights to guns, even for 5 minutes to allow people to adsorb the shock of what happened. Within minutes, my snarky southern-gun loving friends were posting about how this has nothing to do with gun control, bla bla bla.

As a spiritual person, I come from the school that this is all part of a grand plan. Of course I am saddened by the loss of these children, but I can't help but feel like these little souls signed up for this before they were even conceived. I KNOW, to most people that just sounds insane-- but rationalizing a heinous act is insane to me and counter productive. 

Secondly, as a spiritual person.. I find it very sad that the mother of the shooter, and the shooter himself have become demonized. YES, it is sickening what Adam did.. but I think a huge problem that we have in society is that we do not have compassion for ALL people. Don't have compassion for what the guy did, have compassion that he was hurting so badly, and was so out of touch with the world that he would do something like this. As someone who has struggled with my own mental illness (bi polar) I know what it is like to want to hurt yourself (Thank God I've never wanted to hurt anyone else) Mental health is a VERY taboo subject in this society, and we need to talk about it. We need to allow people to talk about their suicidal urges without being judged, we need to empathize with people who can not feel (such is the case for the shooter), we need to learn how to LOVE regardless of how strange or off-beat the individual is.

Having worked with people who exhibit anti-social behaviors-- The act of love, and gentle "pushing" makes a BIG difference.

The problem I see here is there is such a lack of understanding, folks like Adam are dismissed, when the "crying out for help" signs have been there all along. I am in NO way saying what happened is OKAY, but what I am saying is.. it is okay to have compassion for people who are sick, even if they have done horrible things. After all, the people who are the most sick in the world, need love the most. We need to start loving people unconditionally.

..and my final comment on the issue is this... I truly hope light comes out of this event. I hope the parents of these children, and the loved ones of the teachers take this opportunity to stand up for something good-- otherwise we will have lost these people in vain, and if you ask me we've lost too many wonderful people (to guns) in vain. I hope the nation see's that all the faiths of the world grieve the same way, value the life of their children, and find solace in the same higher power.

2. Strange things are happening.

Since moving to California, I have spent a lot of time "developing" parts of me that I use to squash. In that, I met this lovely lady  named Chelsea-- who is on a similar path as I. She specializes in Astrology (not your news paper horoscope variety, but real ass, astrology).. ANYWAY... I've been a little more open with people about my "insight" and the validation has been extraordinary! I'm really excited to see where this path takes me. I've always hoped to be a "healer" and it's happening.

ALL of that said, I think I am going to invite Chelsea to guest post here on the blog to share her insight with readers on a weekly basis. We're not sure how we're going to structure it, but I am hoping to find a way to make it insightful for those of you who are interested, and entertaining for those of your who are skeptics.

3. I had this rather volatile conversation with my father last week-- Honestly, I do not understand my fathers "beef" with me. It doesn't matter what I do or how I do it, in my fathers eyes I am a failure. I realize he views himself as a failure, and these acts of aggression towards me are projections of his innermost feelings about himself, but it still hurts.

After having some long conversations with my siblings, and a few close friends.. I have decided to let him go. I will always be linked to him cosmically, after all, I am part of him. But every time I call, or answer when he calls (which is hardly ever), I am inviting the negativity and self doubt into my life.

Because of this, I will be walking myself down the isle in March (I am entertaining inviting my siblings to take the walk with me-- as they have been my true constants in life and most valuable support systems).

You know, I love my father, and I really hope he finds a way to be healed in this life-- but healing takes work, and you have to be willing to fight for it. He, at this point in life, has given up. He does not, and has not cared to nurture our relationship for over 10 years now, and it is unfortunate because it has cause us both a lot of pain.

One thing I never knew how to do with people was create boundaries-- and  I am just so grateful for the strength I have now that allows me to set healthy boundaries with people-- my dysfunctional family especially.

It's sad-- But it is good.

4. Wedding plans are driving me to mad confusion! UGH, I just want to have a party, celebrating love.. All this wedding crap is crazy.

How are you people doing?! Sorry I've been silent on your blogs, I am reading.. but commenting on my ipad/phone is too complected & I've been avoiding the computer like the plague!


xxxooo

Namaste!

ryan

Silver Lake dumping grounds- A rant.

You know what I hate about hipsters? They are freaking morons.

All of them. MORONS. Too busy being cool to think about how real adults behave.

APPARENTLY, according to forbes, I live in the hippest hood the USofA has to offer, and all living here has done is validate that I freaking HATE hipsters, HATE them.. Especially artists who are also hipsters. WORSE COMBO EVER.

For 3 weeks now, this pile of shit has only gotten bigger. We've had 3 garbage pick ups since the mess started, and there it is.. still.

The reason I am blaming this on an artist-hipster fuck is because all the shit is props & dried up art supplies--- like someone emptied out their storage unit or something.

SO I took it upon myself to call 311, schedule a pick up for shit that doesn't belong to me, and I left a note for whomever did this-- Just so I would feel better.. because pollution really freaking pisses me off.

I mean really? WHAT is so hard about calling for a garbage pick up? Isn't it common knowledge that garbage men usually only pick up what is in the cans, unless you call in for oversized-pick-up?

What makes me even more angsty-- is the fact that when I called 311-- I was the ONLY person who had reported this shit. I mean-- a good 500 people live in a 5 block radius of me, I am sure of it.. and I'm the only one who gives a flying fuck? I would have felt SO much better had this been something the CITY dropped the ball on, but really.. How irresponsible do you have to be to walk past your pile of shit every day, and not think to call and have it picked up.


UGH.

PEOPLE.



END RANT.

Namaste!

UPDATE: One of my OTHER neighbors removed my sign from the garbage, and taped it to the door of the culprit! hahahahahahahah!