unconditional love, the stars, my father & wedding.


What a week!

A lot, and I mean, A LOT, has been going on lately. On a personal level, in the news, the universe, in friendships, relationships, everything.

SO here goes.

1. The Sandy Hook Shooting.

I do not have "Television"-- we, as a couple choose to not have television for 2 reasons-- Main stream media is evil and it is WAY to easy to get sucked into 4 hours of TV at a time. Albeit, I am totally guilty of watching Netflix four hours a day, but I/we can justify this behavior if we spend at least half of that time watching documentary's (educational, right?!).

SO on Friday, I was facebooking, when the shooting was brought to my attention. Naturally I was curious, so tried to find a live new feed.

Two things stood out to me.

A. 24 hour, Main stream News Media is freaking evil. They were all so concerned with identifying the shooter FIRST that they wrongly named Ryan Lanza as the shooter. I mean really, what the fuck is wrong with journalism these days? It is much better to have a delayed response of TRUTH, than an inaccurate FIRST response.

B. People really don't want to give up their rights to guns, even for 5 minutes to allow people to adsorb the shock of what happened. Within minutes, my snarky southern-gun loving friends were posting about how this has nothing to do with gun control, bla bla bla.

As a spiritual person, I come from the school that this is all part of a grand plan. Of course I am saddened by the loss of these children, but I can't help but feel like these little souls signed up for this before they were even conceived. I KNOW, to most people that just sounds insane-- but rationalizing a heinous act is insane to me and counter productive. 

Secondly, as a spiritual person.. I find it very sad that the mother of the shooter, and the shooter himself have become demonized. YES, it is sickening what Adam did.. but I think a huge problem that we have in society is that we do not have compassion for ALL people. Don't have compassion for what the guy did, have compassion that he was hurting so badly, and was so out of touch with the world that he would do something like this. As someone who has struggled with my own mental illness (bi polar) I know what it is like to want to hurt yourself (Thank God I've never wanted to hurt anyone else) Mental health is a VERY taboo subject in this society, and we need to talk about it. We need to allow people to talk about their suicidal urges without being judged, we need to empathize with people who can not feel (such is the case for the shooter), we need to learn how to LOVE regardless of how strange or off-beat the individual is.

Having worked with people who exhibit anti-social behaviors-- The act of love, and gentle "pushing" makes a BIG difference.

The problem I see here is there is such a lack of understanding, folks like Adam are dismissed, when the "crying out for help" signs have been there all along. I am in NO way saying what happened is OKAY, but what I am saying is.. it is okay to have compassion for people who are sick, even if they have done horrible things. After all, the people who are the most sick in the world, need love the most. We need to start loving people unconditionally.

..and my final comment on the issue is this... I truly hope light comes out of this event. I hope the parents of these children, and the loved ones of the teachers take this opportunity to stand up for something good-- otherwise we will have lost these people in vain, and if you ask me we've lost too many wonderful people (to guns) in vain. I hope the nation see's that all the faiths of the world grieve the same way, value the life of their children, and find solace in the same higher power.

2. Strange things are happening.

Since moving to California, I have spent a lot of time "developing" parts of me that I use to squash. In that, I met this lovely lady  named Chelsea-- who is on a similar path as I. She specializes in Astrology (not your news paper horoscope variety, but real ass, astrology).. ANYWAY... I've been a little more open with people about my "insight" and the validation has been extraordinary! I'm really excited to see where this path takes me. I've always hoped to be a "healer" and it's happening.

ALL of that said, I think I am going to invite Chelsea to guest post here on the blog to share her insight with readers on a weekly basis. We're not sure how we're going to structure it, but I am hoping to find a way to make it insightful for those of you who are interested, and entertaining for those of your who are skeptics.

3. I had this rather volatile conversation with my father last week-- Honestly, I do not understand my fathers "beef" with me. It doesn't matter what I do or how I do it, in my fathers eyes I am a failure. I realize he views himself as a failure, and these acts of aggression towards me are projections of his innermost feelings about himself, but it still hurts.

After having some long conversations with my siblings, and a few close friends.. I have decided to let him go. I will always be linked to him cosmically, after all, I am part of him. But every time I call, or answer when he calls (which is hardly ever), I am inviting the negativity and self doubt into my life.

Because of this, I will be walking myself down the isle in March (I am entertaining inviting my siblings to take the walk with me-- as they have been my true constants in life and most valuable support systems).

You know, I love my father, and I really hope he finds a way to be healed in this life-- but healing takes work, and you have to be willing to fight for it. He, at this point in life, has given up. He does not, and has not cared to nurture our relationship for over 10 years now, and it is unfortunate because it has cause us both a lot of pain.

One thing I never knew how to do with people was create boundaries-- and  I am just so grateful for the strength I have now that allows me to set healthy boundaries with people-- my dysfunctional family especially.

It's sad-- But it is good.

4. Wedding plans are driving me to mad confusion! UGH, I just want to have a party, celebrating love.. All this wedding crap is crazy.

How are you people doing?! Sorry I've been silent on your blogs, I am reading.. but commenting on my ipad/phone is too complected & I've been avoiding the computer like the plague!





  1. 1. As a Southerner, my NRA friends were all up in arms (probably literally) about gun rights. I agree with you. How about we focus more on helping PEOPLE. I also hope there is light from this.
    3. My Mom and I have a fairly unhealthy relationship. She is very suspicious of everyone and will always assume that people are lying to her. It makes it very difficult to have a relationship with her, so we have a very roller coaster like relationship where there are points when we're close and there are points when we don't really talk. It was hard for me at first, but having my BF explain from an outsider's perspective what happens to me when I have to be in contact with her was very eye-opening.

    Also, I have no idea how people can use their phones as their internet hookup. It drives me batty!

  2. Happy New Year R!!!! I wish you a GREAT year. I love reading your posts. I like the fact that they are real, no BS.

    I was quiet surprised that you did not have a tv and for a self confessed tv addict it was quiet strange for me. Then i thought of it and realized that weirdly enough i moved my tv out of my bedroom and because of that i have been more on the computer than tv. I do agree that main stream media has caused a lot misinformation. I was on FB and i kept hearing people commenting that the world did not come to an end one day in December. Only to realize that one television station in Jamaica was broadcasting a "prophet" who predicted that the world was going to end on that day. As a parent i was pissed and also relieved that my child did not have to deal with that info.

    wow what a long comment.

    1. My friend! So good to hear from you!

      What the HEck! A prophet predicting the end of the world?! That's crazy! I guess we have that sort of thing here in the US-- but Public television tends to be rather mild with religion/philosophy.

      As far as TV goes, we still don't have "TV" but I do watch my fair share of shows/movies online now. I definitely need to get back to a more disciplined time schedule, that's for sure!

      So good to hear from you! xxoo.


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