Year 24, I'm glad to see you go.

Today is the last day of my Twenty-fourth year.

For some reason, I've spent a good portion of my life idolizing Twenty-five; I always viewed it as the year you become a real adult to the rest of the world. I read once that your frontal lobe has sluggish connections to the rest of your brain {something about fatty acids coating the nerves} until you are in your mid twenties. {Actually, here is the article-- it doesn't say anything about your mid-twenties in there, so I must have made that up. Interesting article none-the-less, and I think I actually heard it on NPR radio, so there ya go, more shit I made up.}

Anywho, twenty-four has been one of my most difficult years to date. I've felt like a fish out of water for most of the year, and the other parts of it are foggy; I have a way of blacking out things when I don't want to remember them. Convenient right?

Let's start with the bad {..because I like to leave things feeling good}
I started the year with-drawling off of a prescription drug that I was having horrible reactions to (Celexa if you must know); my doctor wanted to keep upping my dosage and adding other drugs to the cocktail so obviously I said "Fk that!" which led to me having a nervous breakdown on Christmas, and again sometime in January-- this also led to my complete distrust of any person in the medical community.

Then after breakdown #2, I got laid off from my job. {Entirely unrelated to the breakdowns; they just thought I was a little funky, liberal, arty chick with no problems-- they laid off 12 people, so I know it wasn't me. (Home-building industry)} Getting laid off happened to be the best thing that could have happened to me, but I went from making good money, to none. So that was a problem.

R and I spent 10 months of this year in a long-distance relationship-- I know some people do this for longer amounts of time, and see eachother less often than we did.. but, I hated it.. every single second of being in a long-distance relationship was like torture. I know that's dramatic, but sometimes I have a flare for such things. Not having R around was like missing my right arm, again dramaaaaa, but true.

I lived in almost complete isolation for 3 months this summer.Which was simultaneously awesome and really, really, really lonely.

I have moved four times since April.

...and I have wasted a lot of time floundering around, trying to figure out what the hell I want with life. I've reached some of my deepest lows, and experienced some of my highest highs.

Which leads me to the good.

This year I have learned more about life, love, happiness, sadness, dinner parties, myself, others, family, friends, anxieties, and where I belong in this great universe compared to any other year.

This being said, the more I learn, the less I know, I know; which allows me to start each day with the goal of trying to become the best version of myself-- Luckily all I have to do is be better than yesterday, because everything before or after today-- doesn't even matter.


I got engaged to my best friend; I always think about the first time I saw him at the sweet age of sixteen, and how I just knew he was suppose to be an important person in my life. Then 8 months later, fate would have it that we were able to meet; we became best friends faster than instant pudding and here we are now. Weird right?

I learned this year that I really let my family problems and past hold me back and distract me from what I am suppose to be doing with my life-- while I am still trying to break free of those shackles, I am at least hyper-aware now of the issues at hand and have been working towards breaking down the fortress I had built around myself.

I also learned how to appreciate my true self this year. I'm not like other people, nor do I care to be. I am not a fashionista, I am not a home decor guru, I don't always listen to totally awesome music, I am not always nice or positive, I can be lazy and I am not always a good friend. Take it or leave it-- I'll be just fine. I may have neglected 90% of my goals this year but to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something you're not is the greatest accomplishment I have achieved to date..

My garden is thriving. {When I was twenty-three I can't even tell you how many plants I killed, it was tragic really.}

I have began to trust that there is always a yin to the yang, lightness in the dark, and a lesson to be learned.
I know now and totally believe that everything really does happen for a reason, and the universe is willing to guide you to where you need to be if your willing to shut up and listen.

I also learned that life happens while you're busy making plans. {Let's see how many other cliche's I can fit in here}

This year I plan to:

• Listen more and speak less. {Except on Blogger of course, because I have a lot to say about a lot of things}
• Become more accepting of myself {most importantly} and others.
• Spend more time outside
• Become a certified yoga instructor
• Make more art
• Forgive more easily
• Live a healthier lifestyle; Mind, body and soul

and last but not least....
I plan on having a year that is filled with lots of love, light and fond memories with friends old and new.

Tomorrow is my 25th birthday, and I couldn't think of a better way to spend it. Giving thanks and shoving my face with the best kinds of {unhealthy, buttery and fatty} food, drinking red wine all day and enjoying my favorite family members {yes, I play favorites} sounds perfect to me.

I hope that everyone has a spectacular day tomorrow, after all.. a great person was born.. so if you have nothing else to be grateful for.. there is always me. :)

KIDDING. If you have nothing else to be thankful for, be thankful for the Occupy movement.. now we get to see what democracy really looks like, and we ain't got none!

Mace in the face anyone?

Kidding again. Be thankful for... CATS!

Clearly I've consumed too much coffee.. My plants need watering now..

Happy Thanksgiving, safe travels and NAMASTE!

xo, r