Hysterical white wedding circus.

This morning around 3am I woke up hysterically laughing out of a dream. This hasn't happened in a long time, more frequently I wake myself of out of dreams because I am either walking around {true story} or crying.

This was hilarious though. It's too long and weird to explain, but ultimately I was on a roller coaster, and the people in charge had these digital screens where they could replicate a 3-d version of who ever was on the ride. In the end I was punked, and a digitized old man got made out with by two digitized grungy mutts.

Weird I know. Obviously, it was a lot more hilarious in my head because I laughed for about 15 mins after, waking R and causing the cats to think it was breakfast time.

The second part of my dream involved weddings, which leads me to my next topic.

I am only two days into "planning" a wedding, and I have decided.. I don't want one.


Is that bad?

Isn't there some kind of rule, that because I have a va-jayjay I should want to plan a glorious day filled with flowers, cake, friends and family, all whilst prancing around in all of my white dress glory? Shouldn't I want that? What is wrong with me?

All I care about is the ceremony. R and I, at the place where we started (Blue Springs State Park), maybe our parents and siblings by our side and some Mexican and margaritas after. {I am probably, actually serious about the Mexican thing}

Our second summer fling @ blue springs, summer '05.

These feelings don't come as much of a surprise to me because I have a lot of friends who have planned or are planning weddings, and I feel the same way about their weddings. I feel like they are planning a horse and pony show {no offense to them or anyone else-- I know I am in the minority here.}I thought I would feel differently when it came time to plan my own, but I don't.. in fact, my distaste for the event has increased.

Planning a wedding to me feels like I am doing one or all of the following:
a. Trying to impress friends and family
b. Caving to consumerism
c. Wasting a shit ton of money that would be better spent on traveling, more education, more pets, books, guitars, a business-- anything other than a horse and pony show wedding.
d. Preparing myself for the panic attack of a lifetime (SO many people!)

{Reasons a., b. and c. are the same reasons why I didn't want a blood diamond engagement ring}

What really has me confused is, I think weddings are great. I mean, who doesn't love a wedding? {You should see my pinterest, it's filled with wedding stuffs} The bride always looks beautiful, the groom beaming, the drinks free, the food mediocre-- dancing, friends, family-- weddings are a pretty good time...and I like to plan parties, so this leaves me further perplexed. My friends who have had weddings all claim it was the best day of their lives, but I still don't want it.

Doing something small is not an option; my family alone yields a head count of over 60 people. Plus about 30 of our closest friends, and then you have to account for folks who will bring the uninvited plus one (or two, or three, or five) so we're looking at 100+ people, which is just not our style, at all.

So there, I said it. I don't want a wedding. I don't want to wear a white dress, I don't want to feed 120 people dinner, I don't want to spend that much money on ONE day and I don't want to feel obligated to invite people I am indifferent about because it is the polite thing to do.

I'd love to celebrate with friends and family, but not all at once.

R is not protesting skipping out on the white dress circus; so I guess it's decided. ;)

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Anyone else in the same boat as me? Gentlemen.. you there? What do you think about weddings? Are they something you really look forward to, or just something you participate in to make your lady happy?

Also, my friend posted this on FB this morning, and I just can't stop watching it.
I want all of these oldies to be my friend. Enjoy :)

Namaste!
R

Editors note: I should also mention I realize it is slightly mean/negative to refer to weddings as a "horse and pony show," as I am sure for many people this has been a really exciting experience-- so before anyone gets offended just realize I am referring to my own personal feelings about my involvement/experiences with weddings, and not yours. :)