10.19.2012

Ramblings: Things about Cali and myself.

1. The second you come into LA county on the freeway you hit a wall of dense traffic. It's pretty incredible how many people live/work here. In Chicago I hardly ever drove, and any driving I did do was hardly ever during the rush. AND in FLORIDA traffic could get pretty crazy, especially in Orlando because of the amount of tourists and geriatrics driving around.. but nothing like this. (Although, I really did think the traffic was going to be worse than it has been)

2. There is medical Marijuana here.

I mean duh, right? But coming from conservative Florida, where I know folks who have gotten in BIG trouble for the tiniest amounts of bud, it is really crazy to walk around and see bongs in peoples window out in the open and "Organic Health Clinics" that are "420" friendly..

It's craaazzzzy and awesome.

3. Looking for jobs here is comical.

80% of them involve the entertainment industry on some level. Acting, extras, post production (thats what Rob does), and anything in between. THEN there are Medical Marijuana Pharmacies looking for folks with knowledge about the medication, but who will not "medicate before or during work" haha. AND THEN there are TONS of jobs that are unpaid disguised as internships.

That said, I am determined more than ever to work for myself.... and maybe I can be a pharmacist at an Organic Health Clinic, lol.

AND I am SO going to audition to be extras in movies. WHO knows, maybe I will be DISCOVERED. hahahahahahaha.

4. There are lots and lots of hills and mountains. Florida is flat. (I still love you Florida).

5. Folks are friendly to you even if they have no interest in being your "friend."

Coming here I decided that I was going to just put myself out there.

I tend to keep to myself in public. Ya know, I will go to a bar or restaurant (alone, no shame) to grab a drink or whatever and dive right into my Ipad, forsaking all conversations with actual humans for a rather intense game of tetris or solitare. What can I say? It comes naturally to me to be reclusive.

Coming here I decided to make it a goal of mine to always do the opposite of what is comfortable or expected. (Within reason of course)

Don't want to work out, DO it anyway.
Feeling Shy? Talk to someone you don't know (especially if you are at a bar waiting for Rob)
Don't know where to hang out, ASK people where they like to chill.

In general, my goal is to be a lot more outgoing.

SO that said, last night while I was waiting for Rob to get off work (we still haven't moved into our place, so I drove in from San Diego) I stopped at a bar/grill for a glass of vino n our new 'hood.

The bartender was nice, but since he was a dude, and I wasn't sure what his story was, I avoid chatting him up until I heard him tell someone he was engaged, PERFECT, I'm engaged, he is engaged, no need to worry about being hit on (ya know, because I am SO hot and shit.)

 SO I fit myself into the conversation he was having with the older guy sitting next to me, who commutes between L.A. and West Palm Beach (Stuart is about 45 mins from WPB, so he knew ALL about Rob's situation since it is still all over the news down there)

We chatted for a bit, and someone else interjected, then the bartenders fiance showed up so I tried chatting her up, and then I gave her my phone number because, what the hell right?

She lives in the same neighborhood, and they seemed cool.. so whatever.

Then she mentioned to me she was on a mission to get drunk that night, so not to take it personally if I never get a call.. Which I am cool with because I am almost never on a mission to get drunk, just to get drunk, (it usually just accidentally happens, lol) SO maybe we wouldn't be a great match in the best-friend department... BUT I told her I occasionally look for a drinking buddy, and that if I see her around, it will be nice to see someone familiar.. and if she wants to hang out she has my info.

I realized that even if she had real no interest in being my friend outside of the bar, or even that night, that it's OKAY.

This is big people. In the past I would have left that conversation feeling kind of defeated. I would have felt like her saying "She might lose my number" was her way of saying, "I think you are lame sauce, go away"

Even if that was the case, what does it matter.? She don't KNOOOW me.

I have really struggled with this sentiment in the past. I kind of felt like if I didn't have a group of friends surrounding me that I somehow wasn't as awesome as the chicks who have a go to group of women to share drinks/conversation/etc with..

ANYWHO, I realized that in LA I am going to meet a lot of people who I will have a really nice chats with and then never see again-- or maybe I will see them agin.. but the important thing is that I just be myself.

One of my favorite quotes is:

"What you think upon grows" or in other terms "You are what you think"

I've spent a lot of time privately depicting this inaccurate image of myself-- I've never really believed in myself. I know I have said that before here, but it becomes quite apparent when you are thrown into a new environment.

There is really just NO time for making up stories about who you are, or what people think about you.

The truth is, if people spend a lot of time thinking about how YOU are, then they probably aren't the kind of people you want to be around in the first place.. because they aren't spending enough time just being them.

If you keep thinking negative shit about yourself.. then you will become that negative shit by default. It's just how it is, and I think we have all seen that in blogworld..

"I don't WANT TO be negative or whiney but I am going to whine anyway."

I keep things positive here because I am true believer in manifesting positive energy into your life by saying and believing positive things will happen.. but that doesn't mean that when I am in private I am not looking at myself in the mirror knit-picking every aspect of my existence.

Look, I am a total geek. I think too much. I have to actively prevent myself from over analyzing everything and (psycho) analyzing everyone and myself-- and at times I am pretty damn insecure.. but I am thinking that LA is going to bring out a side of me that I never thought was possible, but always knew I had in me.


Cheers!

(& of course, Namaste!)

Ryan


4 comments:

  1. I think you are in the right place at the right emotional time. Keep going on this journey you have carved out for yourself. Peace.

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  2. This all sounds so exciting and different! And good for you for giving your number out...I did that at the dog park and I made a great friend! <3

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  3. First - thank you for the kind words! Second - I'm so excited for you! What a great opportunity to "start over". I like the idea of a 420-friendly job but hey - a movie extra works too. :-) I truly believe positive thoughts/actions bring about positivity in general. When it rains, it pours and when the sun is shining, it brightens up the whole world. Go get 'em!

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