Strange men, clean closets and a challenge.

Where do the weeks go? It is really crazy to me how time can feel like it is dragging on in the moment, and retrospectively it all seems like a flash.

I've had a really strange week.

My neighbors have been buzzing about a strange knock that most of us received around 8pm Tuesday night, a guy wearing a jacket (it's pretty warm here right now, so a jacket is a fair red flag) and when you answered the door he said he had the "wrong place." NOW this is quite possible when you consider that "next to the stairs" is pretty subjective. But we are ALL next to the stairs, so I would think someone expecting a visitor would at least have the courtesy to specify which floor. The next day we all received a flier listing "safety precautions," notifying us that there had been an increased number of crimes in our area. All I can say is hallelujah for the 2nd amendment(when used responsibly, of course).

I live in south Florida, next to the woods. Florida might be a great place, but there is no denying, it is filled with crazies. (...annnnd Micky Mouse feigns, good ole' boys and The Bachelor/ette contestants.)


What I was getting at is..... it's THURSDAY, and that means Rob has a life drawing class at work tonight, so I have a couple extra hours to tackle some projects. I am going to pick one new "natural cleaning" method to try, based off of what I already have in the apt.

I can't wait to get into all the closets that we've been ignoring. Right now I just have stuff "put away," but it doesn't look so nice, my mission today is too get every corner of the apt in tip-top shape. Plus I will finally get around to hanging up the laundry I started 2 weeks ago. {Bleh}

Maybe I'll have some before and afters to share tomorrow.

Speaking of before and afters, one of my very best friends Tara and I entered into a little friendly weight loss competition. My bff Courtney is getting married in May, as her MOH I think my dress should at least fit. (I bought it a size too small, risky I know) That being said, time is running out and I've got to LBS to lose. We both have similar goals, but since we are such different builds we are going to base it off of body fat percentage not lbs.

If I were braver I would share a before picture, but ya know.. I just don't think that is going to happen, unless it is accompanied by an after picture.. I'll chat more about this tomorrow when I have come up with a game plan.

Namaste.

r

No goals and the recovering control freak.

Despite a few hiccups in the workout schedule (whats new?), so far 2012 has been quite productive.

{I need to make working out/yoga one of the first things I do for the day, not the last}

I was re-inspired to keep on with the no goal thing last night when this guest post on Zen Habits popped up in my reader.

I have been doing some new years cleaning; I go through every box, cabinet, drawer to clean, purge and organize. I even got on my hands and knees to scrub all of the tile floors.

I noticed a box that was filled with notebooks and journals from the past 4 years, and I couldn't even count all of the goals written on those pages. List, after list, of goals.

Of course most of those goals either don't matter anymore, happened by chance or not at all. I cringed at the thought of how many hours were spent distracting myself with making those lists. Lists of how I was going to be, or who I thought I should become. Lists detailing how I should spend every minute of my day. Lists telling me how to stay on track, lists telling me where to spend my money, lists on beauty regimes, lists about work out schedules.

The one thing all the lists had in common was that they simply have no meaning anymore. 

As I am sitting in my closet, with these notebooks that are filled with unfulfilled goals and self deprecating rants; all I see is wasted time and desperation for control.

It's a major relief actually. In retrospect I realize that those lists were written by someone who was really afraid of what they wanted, shackled by their past and by a totally-in-denial-complete-and-utter-control freak.

I think I have admitted to being a control freak three times in my life. This is big.


Control is my kryptonite. This became abundantly clear as I read through the piles of journals. I realized that the no goal thing works because it forces me to give up a certain level of control. It allows my productivity to come from a more inspired place.

Inspiration is what makes anything worth doing.

(btw, Is there a rehab for control freaks?)

Finding my old journals also reminded me why I write here; It really brings a sense of accomplishment to know I have changed evolved as much as I have. Even though I can be a control freak, I really embrace change... Moving passionately through my day has made me a better partner, artist, thinker and I've even flirted with a few new hobbies, AND I've been playing music again.

I mean seriously, WHO AM I? I haven't gotten so much stuff done.. like ever.

Moving on to the next part of my day now.

Have a fun weekend!

Namaste.
r

100 days with no goals, inspired by Zen Habits

One of my very favorite places on the web is a lovely blog called Zen Habits.

If I could be anyone other than myself, I would want to be a female version of this guy; R and I both really enjoy his tips and I credit this blog for many of the positive changes I have experienced this year.

The last post was titled 100 Days with No Goals.

An intriguing title indeed since I am the type that makes goals, and then either flakes out on them, falls short or just plain beats myself up for making too many that I just cant keep up with. OR, I will just start over and over and over and over again, only to fail.. over and over and over and over again.

R and I both kind of giggled when the post popped up in my reader, I think R's very words were:

"That is so Buddhist" {btw, we love Buddhists.}


Well as Buddhist as it may be, I think the guy is right. Without goals, you are able to just make choices.

You choose to be happy.
You choose to live in the moment.
You choose to nurture your relationships.
You choose to exercise.
You choose to eat healthily.
You choose to tend to your craft.
....and you can also choose to ignore any and all of the above.

Becoming goalless leaves a lot more room for productivity since you aren't wasting so much time beating yourself up, planning, failing, etc; at least I think this will be true for me.


I spend waste so much time thinking about goals, planning how to accomplish them, trying to fit them into my schedule of other goals, that by the time I am done.. I have accomplished nothing, I am completely cross eyed, and the day has almost completely passed me by. THEN, 2 weeks later, when I have accomplished almost nothing.. I beat myself up, think I am a loser and all of that is followed by a week or two of depression, and then it starts all over again.

After reading this post, I realized that most of my stress and feelings of inadequacy are directly related to not accomplishing goals. The funny thing is, before reading this post I had been trying to think of ways to turn goals into habits so there would be less effort needed to accomplish said goals; in the end I just submitted to the fact that I am not a very goal oriented person, and my tragic flaw is lack of motivation and/or laziness; which makes me feel bad about myself..

Then, the other morning.. whilst checking my emails this post came in, and everything seemed to click.

I am a choices person. I like to make choices based off of what I want to do and where I want to go. Goals just seem so rigid and restricting; I've always had a hard time with them. I feel like goals really stifle my creative process, and they really distract me from being the kind of person I really want to be.. Footloose and fancy free. 

In fact, the time of my life where I was the most productive, was when I was 17-18 wanting to move to Chicago.. I didn't set goals to move to Chicago, I made choices that put me in the position to get there. I made an awesome portfolio which awarded me the Presidential Scholarship, I decided that any money I made from working on the weekends went towards plane tickets to visit Chicago and the rest of the money I made went towards bills, hanging out with friends and tattoos. While at the time I struggled with a lot of family problems, I was quite accomplished and incredibly productive; creatively, financially and socially.

As an adult, I have become more goal oriented, but less productive. All talk, little or no action. Goals turn me into a really rigid, unhappy (and hungry) recluse who only eats carrots and hard boiled eggs.

I've realized that goals leave too much room for one to dwell on the past; what they did or DIDN'T do yesterday that got them further away from accomplishing some goal that ultimately doesn't matter anyway because it doesn't in any way, shape or form contribute to ones happiness.

So... inspired by the Zen Habits post, R and I are both taking the plunge into a goalless life; moving forward we're making choices based off of habits we enjoy, lifestyles we dig, and places we love.

Choices that set us up for success and get us to the places we want to be. In the moment living at its finest.

Read Zen Habits, this blog is consistently awesome and it's one that R and I love to share with each other.

Namaste!
r