A letter to my brother.

Dear Little Brother,

I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday; I was in my favorite pair of batman PJs, through the moon with excitement that I would have a little brother to share my Teenage Mutant Ninja turtle figurines with since Taylor seemed to only be interested in dolls and playing mommy. I remember exactly where I was sitting when Mama told me you had arrived, and after that, hours seemed like days until I got to meet you, my new little brother.

It was finally March, the month I had been anticipating more than Christmas.

I always wanted to protect you little brother-- I know you don't remember this, but when you were about one years old mom and dad got in an epic battle leaving us kids to witness the gory details. I looked into your big brown eyes and knew I had to get you out of there, when I picked you up, I was surprised at how tightly you hung unto me, twirling your little fingers in my pony tail-- In that moment I knew it was the three of us against the world and nothing could change that.

I don't think I ever told you how scared I was the day you and Taylor moved to NC; I was scared because I was losing the only friends I knew, and I was scared because I felt like I wouldn't be able to protect you anymore.

As an adult, the moments that shine the brightest in my mind are one spent with you. Afternoons spent talking about everything and nothing-- realizing with every conversation that we are one person separated by the interpretation of our life experience.

Little brother, I know our life hasn't been easy-- I know we weren't always given the chances our peers were given, and I know giving up seems like the best way out-- but know that I believe in you and love you endlessly. My favorite memory of you is one night while we were sitting in my dingy apartment, taking turns sharing our favorite songs, when we decided to share our all time favorite tune; You Que up your song and I Que up mine, no conversation about the song-- I went first, and within two seconds your face lit up, and you showed me the song you had ready to play next.

Same song, Different artist.

Mine:

Yours:

We laughed so hard we cried that night. 

I love you little brother and don't you ever forget that. I miss you more than you know and would give up my entire life too see you happy, healthy and free from the grips of escape that you are seeking. 

Love you to the non-planet Pluto and back, 

Your big sister, 

Ryan